So lonely

This is one of those moments that take me back to a few years ago. Don't need to get into details, lets just say that a few years ago, for me, was NOT a good place to be. It was very dark, and I can feel it coming back.

I would love to be able to just break down and cry, but I can't. I haven't been able to. I have all these pent up emotions that I have been trying to get rid of. Trying to write on here, trying to reach out to a couple of people to try to get some help, but the door keeps getting shut in my face.

You know how on tv how they give teens the message that if something it troubling them they can find someone to talk to, someone to help with their problems. Well we have to honestly look at that and ask the question, "Can they?" Going through what I am going through, I can't answer that.

I don't know how to keep doing what I am doing. I don't know how to handle the next couple of months. The only thing I know, is if I don't make it, my family and I lose everything. I don't have to worry about just me, I have 3 people looking to me for their safety, to put food in their stomachs, to keep a roof on their heads. This life isn't mine anymore. It is theirs. If it were just me I could handle this, but they mean so much more then I ever have or ever will. They are the reason I fight, but I just don't have much left in me anymore.

I need some help, I really could use a friend.