Depression, but why?

Depression is commonly diagnosed. As a matter of fact, in my life, I have known more people who were clinically diagnosed as depressed then I have people who were not.

I have been laying on the couch this morning, since waking up very early because of my daughters 3:30 am accident and I have this feeling of uselessness.. of worthlessness. Just a few short hours ago, this feeling was not apparent at all. I have had problems with depression since I was a teenager. I had looked back and figured it was because of the influences around me. It was cool to be all doom and gloom in the late 90's. Then, I became a young adult, and depression followed me. I wanted to blame it on the circumstances that surrounded me that were out of my control.

In the last couple of years I have found what is the number one cause for almost all of my depression issues. Lack of sleep. Sometimes due to insomnia, sometimes due to work schedules, sometimes due to having young children who never slept, (and yes, i was blessed with 3 children who never slept. my 3 year old still doesn't sleep through the night) and sometimes due to my own stupidity. I have nothing to be depressed about. Nothing at all, yet this morning, I feel depressed. Not sad, not angry... just low.. very low. Depression can cause insomnia, and in my case it does, so it has always been a viscous cycle. I would start off fine, have a couple of nights where I was too busy to sleep properly, the depression would kick in and then bam! I couldn't sleep, just making things that much worse.

Now my life is in a new, better place. Very little stress, usually only related to financial problems, but who doesn't have that stress these days? I almost don't consider it a source of stress because it has become the norm.

I have NO reason to be depressed. Except for the fact that my schedule is so screwed up that getting good, restful sleep is a rare occurrence. I love my job, and the company I work for, but I am starting to really get (for lack of a better word) pissed about the hours that they want me to work. I have a family, I can't afford to get 18 hours a week, but I don't get more hours then that unless I work different shifts on a weekly basis. I can't sleep at night. I have never really been able to. Is it works fault? of course it isn't. But I was hired on the premise that I would be a night nurse, and it isn't working out that way.

So now, I am sitting here, bitching and moaning in a blog about depression. A couple of good days or nights of sleep and WA-LA! Happy, cheerful, go-lucky Dawn. A couple of nights without it, and this is what you get. I think if we, as human beings, would just put more emphasis on getting good sleep, a lot of the depression diagnoses would go away. But in this world of work work work till you are delirious and go go go to get everything done, sleep is over looked. Until something drastic changes in what is expected of us to make ends meet, to live a good life, most of us will live life feeling miserable because we are not allowed to do what our bodies are designed to do. SLEEP!

Sleep allows us to function at our highest level. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. Without it, the way we handle life in general changes drastically for every hour we don't sleep.

Is it important for me to count calories and exercise? YES!! Is it important for me to work and provide for my family? YES!!! Is it important for me to feel good about myself and my accomplishments?? YES!!! Sometimes we forget to ask, in this world where appearance and money are so fucking important, is it important that we sleep? The answer is YES!