Internal Changes

Well Christmas was a blast. I enjoyed it to the fullest. Of course the embarrassement of being the only fat kid in the family came out by me telling a lot of fat jokes targeted at myself. I figure, it is better to just say what everyone is thinking and get on with it. The only problem with my theory is, is that what everyone was thinking?

I have grown to define myself by my fat. By my body shape, structure, and size. Internally I feel as though when people look at me, I am first of all a fat girl, after that, who knows. I may be funny, interesting, witty, sarcastic, or weird, but all this is covered up by this extra person I carry around my hips, belly and thighs. I think it is time for a change.

Weight loss will not happen if I continue to walk about thinking of myself first and foremost as the fat chick. I do believe that this mindset is the hardest thing to change. Even more so then my appearance. I have lost weight before, I have looked pretty good in the past, but in the past, I thought of myself as an attractive girl who may need to lose a few pounds, but in the end, i could take it or leave it. Now, it is something different.

A lot of things will change this year. There is no option in my heart or my mind for things to continue this way. Being fat is not something that should ever define who we are. First thing I need to do is learn to leave the fat jokes behind. From this day forward, I will be the attractive, witty, intelligent girl that I want people to see.